I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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