guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
