We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
