I look better un-naked...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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