What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
