I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
