1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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