The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
