y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Please, let me fuck your mom
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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