Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
