I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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