She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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