I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
