So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
