I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
