I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
