so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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