We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
