I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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