i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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