covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
