Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm too high and old for this...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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