I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
