just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
