sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
