Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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