We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
