I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
