Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
