Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
