I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
