I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
