When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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