we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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