hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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