Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
