you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
