we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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