get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
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