i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
