the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
