His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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