We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
