I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
