now i know why i became what i already was.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
