and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
