Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
