i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
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