oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
