i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
