I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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