I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
