I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
