the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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