just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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