rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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