just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You left your underwear on the fireplace
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
