I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
