I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
