I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
