It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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