Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Boobs speak an international language.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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