Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
